Coming Home From Drug Treatment Centers

We have certainly come a long way in removing some of the stigma that used to be attached to drug addiction and that of addicts entering and leaving drug treatment centers. It seems to me that maybe some of the stigma should maybe be put back. Not long ago, being a drug addict used to be looked down upon as an undesirable position in society. Addicts were associated with the criminal element and considered to possess misguided values and morals. Today though, it has become almost fashionable to become a recovered drug addict, almost like something to be worn as a badge of honor. I'm not sure how this phenomenon has evolved, but I'm certain that the media's coverage of some of our more notable dope fiends and drunks like Robert (What's his name?) Jr., Paris the Hotel Heiress, Lindsay and Britney has helped us get to where we're at in glamorizing the country's most costly social and criminal problem.

Today we celebrate the discharge of addicts from detox centers and residential drug treatment centers as if they are heroes returning home from the war in Iraq or as if they've accomplished something great. Now don't get me wrong, addiction is very difficult to overcome, but for an addict's family to throw a welcome home party for him when he returns from a drug treatment center, would be like celebrating the good sense it requires to pull your hand out of a fire. Instead of planning Johnny's surprise party, which many addicts have relapsed at their first night home, this time might be better spent by family members and significant others discussing limits and boundaries to be set in place for the future. Upon his return, if the treatment center didn't provide a family week or the drug treatment center did have a family program and you didn't or couldn't attend, time might be taken to iron out, with love, some of the difficult times and situations that led up to him entering treatment in the first place, rather than a celebration that might lead to sweeping these difficult to address moments under the carpet. What is it about families and significant others that would make them, at least temporarily, forget the lying, cheating and stealing that took place prior to Johnny entering a drug treatment center for his addiction and give him a hero's welcome home? Instead, you may want to skip the party and gain the assistance of a family therapist if there are remaining deep rooted resentments that need to be addressed.

Be Strong, Be Tough, But, Be Supportive...

On the other hand, at the time addicts are discharged from drug treatment centers, the newly clean and sober addict feels for the most part, lost, confused and extremely uncomfortable because he really doesn't have a clue who he is sober and he is having trouble differentiating the truth from the false. He's trying to act like he fits into the family structure, though he may not have any recent sober experience to draw from in this area. At this time the best thing you can do is to be supportive. However, celebration is not support! Support him in his recovery and support him in anything positive that he does or even tries to do, but do not delay, take advantage of his weakened condition and discuss new limits and boundaries for the future with him, then stick to them. No matter what. Be strong! Be tough! Some call it "Tough Love", I call it "Self-Defense" because an experienced addict will run right over you to get what he wants. A really good one will steal your wallet and then help you look for it and you'll thank him for his efforts, maybe even reward him in some way. I keep saying "he and him", but let me tell you, some of the best dope fiend master manipulators on the planet are of the female variety. They've got an entirely different arsenal at their disposal and the experienced ones really know what to do with it. Often the victim doesn't even know what hit him.

At this point he may be somewhat fragile to put it mildly, but be aware, this condition will be short lived. Drug addicts are like chameleons. They will adapt to any new situation or environment they find themselves in rather quickly. He could think he's become entitled and has become demanding because he thinks he's mastered this sobriety thing and should be justly rewarded or if he's a long term dope fiend he may try to run the same types of manipulative cons and games in sobriety that he ran pre-rehab, only now more cunning and carefully, due to a clearer head and the ability to remember which lies he has told to who. Being an addict for so many years myself, I can tell you with great certainty that any drug addict that is fresh out of rehab and is offended by this description of an addict's behavior is either being less than honest with you right out of the gate or is in serious denial.

Master Manipulators

Long term drug addicts eventually become "master manipulators". It comes with the territory and it becomes a matter of survival. Manipulation becomes a way of life and at times it's so natural to the addict that even he may not realize when he's doing it, so it's something that's not going to leave him overnight or in 30, 60 or even 90 days. This deep rooted behavior, I believe, once it has reached "way of life" proportions, must be replaced with a lengthy period of "contrary action" or a sincere effort to be completely honest (not that anyone can be completely honest all of the time) and go out of his way to try to do the right thing on a daily basis. This is where family, friends and significant others, aside from being supportive when the addict attempts something positive, can make the biggest contribution in helping him. He needs to be informed that you're wise to his game and he is wasting his time as well as everybody else's each time he attempts to pull a fast one.

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