Coming Home From Drug Treatment Centers
We have certainly come a long way in removing some
of the stigma that used to be attached to drug addiction and that of
addicts entering and leaving drug treatment centers. It seems to me
that maybe some of the stigma should maybe be put back. Not long ago,
being a drug addict used to be looked down upon as an undesirable position
in society. Addicts were associated with the criminal element and considered
to possess misguided values and morals. Today though, it has become
almost fashionable to become a recovered drug addict, almost like something
to be worn as a badge of honor. I'm not sure how this phenomenon has
evolved, but I'm certain that the media's coverage of some of our more
notable dope fiends and drunks like Robert (What's his name?) Jr., Paris
the Hotel Heiress, Lindsay and Britney has helped us get to where we're
at in glamorizing the country's
most costly social and criminal problem.
Today we celebrate the discharge of addicts from detox
centers and residential drug treatment centers as if they are heroes
returning home from the war in Iraq or as if they've accomplished something
great. Now don't get me wrong, addiction is very difficult to overcome,
but for an addict's family to throw a welcome home party for him when
he returns from a drug treatment center, would be like celebrating the
good sense it requires to pull your hand out of a fire. Instead of planning
Johnny's surprise party, which many addicts have relapsed at their first
night home, this time might be better spent by family members and significant
others discussing limits and boundaries to be set in place for the future.
Upon his return, if the treatment center didn't provide a family week
or the drug treatment center did have a family program and you didn't
or couldn't attend, time might be taken to iron out, with love, some
of the difficult times and situations that led up to him entering treatment
in the first place, rather than a celebration that might lead to sweeping
these difficult to address moments under the carpet. What is it about
families and significant others that would make them, at least temporarily,
forget the lying, cheating and stealing that took place prior to Johnny
entering a drug treatment center for his addiction and give him a hero's
welcome home? Instead, you may want to skip the party and gain the assistance
of a family therapist if there are remaining deep rooted resentments
that need to be addressed.
Be Strong, Be Tough, But, Be Supportive...
On the other hand, at the time addicts are discharged
from drug
treatment centers, the newly clean and sober addict feels for the
most part, lost, confused and extremely uncomfortable because he really
doesn't have a clue who he is sober and he is having trouble differentiating
the truth from the false. He's trying to act like he fits into the family
structure, though he may not have any recent sober experience to draw
from in this area. At this time the best thing you can do is to be supportive.
However, celebration is not support! Support him in his recovery and
support him in anything positive that he does or even tries to do, but
do not delay, take advantage of his weakened condition and discuss new
limits and boundaries for the future with him, then stick to them. No
matter what. Be strong! Be tough! Some call it "Tough Love",
I call it "Self-Defense" because an experienced addict will
run right over you to get what he wants. A really good one will steal
your wallet and then help you look for it and you'll thank him for his
efforts, maybe even reward him in some way. I keep saying "he and
him", but let me tell you, some of the best dope fiend master manipulators
on the planet are of the female variety. They've got an entirely different
arsenal at their disposal and the experienced ones really know what
to do with it. Often the victim doesn't even know what hit him.
At this point he may be somewhat fragile to put it
mildly, but be aware, this condition will be short lived. Drug addicts
are like chameleons. They will adapt to any new situation or environment
they find themselves in rather quickly. He could think he's become entitled
and has become demanding because he thinks he's mastered this sobriety
thing and should be justly rewarded or if he's a long term dope fiend
he may try to run the same types of manipulative cons and games in sobriety
that he ran pre-rehab, only now more cunning and carefully, due to a
clearer head and the ability to remember which lies he has told to who.
Being an addict for so many years myself, I can tell you with great
certainty that any drug addict that is fresh out of rehab and is offended
by this description of an addict's behavior is either being less than
honest with you right out of the gate or is in serious denial.
Master Manipulators
Long term drug addicts eventually become "master
manipulators". It comes with the territory and it becomes a matter
of survival. Manipulation becomes a way of life and at times it's so
natural to the addict that even he may not realize when he's doing it,
so it's something that's not going to leave him overnight or in 30,
60 or even 90 days. This deep rooted behavior, I believe, once it has
reached "way of life" proportions, must be replaced with a
lengthy period of "contrary action" or a sincere effort to
be completely honest (not that anyone can be completely honest all of
the time) and go out of his way to try to do the right thing on a daily
basis. This is where family, friends and significant others, aside from
being supportive when the addict attempts something positive, can make
the biggest contribution in helping him. He needs to be informed that
you're wise to his game and he is wasting his time as well as everybody
else's each time he attempts to pull a fast one.
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